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Please email your questions and queries to Dr.Linda Olson at advice@americaslovedoctor.com
Question:
On an Internet dating site, I listed myself as 5 years young that I actually am in order to get a greater response. In fact, I met a man whose parameters I would not have met him if my real age were listed. However, we have had a few dates and like one another. Both of us are interested in having a family some day, and I am nearly 40 so my chances of getting pregnant are less than if were the 35 I had listed. He is 39 and had been looking for someone from 25 to 35. I don't want to lose this man and even though you might say that a real good partner would accept this, the real world is such that this is a big chance. And certainly in this stage of the relationship I'm very concerned about revealing my real age. I suppose he could sneak a look at my driver's license, but I don't think it's likely and many of my friends think I'm younger than I am.
Answer:
No, I would not say that a “really good partner would accept this.” But what I will say is this: “a really good partner” is honest and truthful from the start. She knows that by being deceptive she will ultimately lose her partner's respect and trust. “A really good partner” knows and cares that her partner will ultimately feel betrayed, the relationship will fail, and she will feel abandoned. And a “really good partner” doesn't lie in order to protect herself. She knows that this kind of self-serving behavior will lead to yet another failed relationship. . . .sooner or later.
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Question:
My husband has a very debilitating illness and has had this for many years. Our affection for one another is very strong and we share many things, but we cannot have a physical relationship. I am yearning for the same. I do know of someone who can gratify my needs but he is not anyone with whom I would have a relationship. This would make me feel better sexually but if I tell my husband, it will hurt him terribly. Our adult daughter says I should go ahead but I am so loaded with guilt. Are there any guidelines I should follow?
Answer:
Here are the guidelines you should follow: 1) An intimate relationship is not based on “sharing many things” such as a home, a bed, or a bathroom. It is based on sharing feelings. This means that you know what you are feeling, that you chose to share those feelings, and that you know how to express those feelings to a mate. 2) Honesty, integrity, and trustworthiness are essential ingredients for a healthy relationship. Knowing that you can count on your partner to be truthful with you at all times will give you a tremendous sense of security. Being a mate who has integrity means someone who is honest with herself, someone who is honest with others, and someone who is honest with her mate. This means that she will not hide parts of her life or personality from him—she won't tell him only what he wants to hear in order to protect herself. She will share the truth with him without having it emerge as a result of being pried out of her or having been tricked into revealing it. These are the guidelines you should follow if you want to protect your partnership.
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